"So... How's School?"

I believe that once you've gone through something inevitably horrific in your life, God gives you a break and shows you something wonderful. Although this may not apply for all circumstances, I still believe that God graces you with a sense of kindness, even in the littlest of things, whether at random or planned. Soaking in happiness in the midst of something stressful or during backbreaking pain may be all you need to get through the day.

Yesterday was a good day.

In a nutshell, I spent the morning via webcam with Gen. Our small talks and random conversations are the upside of having such a weird relationship. Plus, he just gets me, hahah. I spent my afternoon with Melissa, Scott, and Justin. Those three... They make me happy. Justin's racist comments, Melissa's wonderful awkwardness, Scott's smile whenever his eyes landed on Sylvie. Absorbing their happiness was the cherry on top of a good day. Plus, the car ride back home was just the release I needed and lunch at Boiling Crab was the cure to my cravings. I spent my night with a spectacular group of individuals, the 2011 Kadiwa Officers, minus Kat and Andrea for understandable reasons. Anyway, being with them and enjoying a nice, freshly cooked mexican dinner was great. Everything from my bathroom adventure with Kara to the two hours spent playing two intense games of Mafia was the best part of a stressful week. Although my night wasn't exactly ideal, everything that happened yesterday was something I needed to appreciate the things I have in my life. That's because it takes something horrible to show you the beauty in something else.

Til next time,

this blog is OVER.

-dom.

Absence.

I'll make this short and to the point because I don't have much time.

December 27 feels so far away and it's been 9 weeks already. I don't know how on Earth I'm even surviving this. 4 months is coming up this Wednesday and 500 days is coming up next Monday. We can't even be physically together for any of this. We won't even be together for our 5th or 6th months. :/ I have to endure another 12 weeks of excruciating loneliness.

I remember the last time I saw him. I told him that this will be our LONGEST break ever since we started seeing each other. From two month intervals to four months? We both signed up for this deal. I just wish there was an easier way of being in his physical presence.

I might be sighing about this now but come December 27, I know it'll be worth it. I've already got my whole planned figured out, from the moment he lands at the Burbank Airport to the moment we both fly to Oakland. I just wish we could speed up the process. I mean, I'd love to get over the rest of my midterms and finals. Just sayin'

For now, gawd help me.

-dom.

Teenage Dream.

There is always that one pop song that you end up secretly loving because it's so catchy and because well... "it relates to me". For some reason, Katy Perry just hit the spot and I can't get Teenage Dream out of my head. It's actually a really good song. Not to be too cliche but, the lyrics basically describe the better parts of my summer. Just sayin'. ;P But in the end, KIIS FM or any of those damn mainstream radio stations believe that one good listen isn't enough for us. So they overkill the song by playing it multiple times over a three hour period and I end up hating it.

HOWEVER, there is a silver lining.

Once all of the hype dies down for that one particular song and seven months later you're listening to your iPod on shuffle, THERE IT IS. It's that song that you used to love but hated when it went mainstream. Then you begin to appreciate it once more and maybe in a year or two, you decide to put it on a mixtape because it was THAT good of a song.

So there goes my random rant.

this blog is OVER.

-dom.

Oh College...

-I shouldn't be the one saying this but, I kind of feel like I'm in high school, except with unfamiliar faces. I've been put in this thing called "Freshman Connection". It's basically a group of Freshman under the same major (Business) and we have three classes together. Yay? Sort of.... It's not necessarily a bad experience. I get to be closer with my classmates, make more friends, get homework that I might have missed, etc etc. BUT! And this is a big BUT, there are only a handful of them I actually like. The rest of them just... piss me off. I don't want to go into detail with that so I'll leave it here.

-My first two weeks of college was disgusting. I was forced to drop my math class because I was over qualified. Then I went on a quest to find a new math class. I woke up at 6 am every morning to go to school and crash Math 103 and Math 140. I found out that they both were 1) the most failed math classes and 2) the classes with the longest waiting lists. In addition, I have to take the bus going to school and coming home. Pain in the ass? Oh yeaaaaah. Not only did I have to look for a math class, I had my financial aid to worry about. With the three classes I already have, I didn't have enough money or financial aid to pay off my books and school related equipment. Also, if I wasn't a full time student, they might reduce my financial aid. Oh yeah, if I wasn't a full time student, I might lose my medical insurance. To add to that, I might not get housing for the spring if I don't get my financial aid. A lot of pressure? Fck yeah. After the first week of no hope, I was given another list of classes to crash. I was so desperate, I was offering to pay people to drop the class. NO JOKE. Then, God finally shed some of his amazing grace and gave me Music 105: The Elements of Music. Now, a weight has been lifted and I get to finally sleep in and do what I want.

-If anything, happy is happy is happy if it's good. So, happy three months. (:

-If all goes well, I'll be getting the Xtera and commuting to school. I'd much rather do that then stay at my uncle's house. It's not that I don't appreciate them for letting me stay, I just feel like a burden. Thanks for fcking up and losing my housing application Northridge. You guys are wonderful.

-As for everything else, I'm doing well. Although everything has changed, it's for the better. I kept thinking to myself that change was bad but, it's not like I have complete control over everything. More than anything, I've accepted to experience things as they come. I kept planning out everything but it wouldn't always go my way. So now what? Well, I'll just have to see it for myself.

this blog is OVER.

-dom.

Nekkkid.

I've been drinking a lot of Naked Juice these days. The mango has been in my favor. (:

I greatly apologize for the absence. It's been far tooo long since I've blogged here. Tumblr makes my life... lazier. I just jot down a few words and I've supposedly blogged a mouth full. However, that's not doing me justice nowadays. So.. I refer back to here. If my posts seem to bother you, just remember, this is more for me than it is for you.

.......Where do I begin?

Well, I completely failed at blogging during my senior year. I mean, I have a draft of dates that were worth mentioning but, I didn't get past April. I'll probably post it, just as proof that I did try.

Anyways, I graduated. You know, it hasn't hit me yet. I think it's because it feels like any other summer. Although I've been doing more things for myself lately, nothing feels at all different. I still feel as if I'm going back to Eagle Rock in the Fall. Maybe that's when it'll hit me... as soon as I step into CSUN, who knows?

Another note, CSUN has given me another chance. Long story short, I didn't take the ELM, which is a math placement test. It wasn't because I didn't want to take it, it was because someone failed to tell me it was required since I was already taking a qualified college course. All I can say was that I needed to pass my math class with a B or better and BAM, I'm exempt from the test. However, with the failing communication I have with our college counselor, I didn't know that. So, I spent the last two weeks battling it out with CSUN. Then, it finally came to the point where our counselor wrote CSUN a letter saying that it was all miscommunication. Oh well, I'm getting my classes next week. Phew.

Then the dreaded topic, I'm not single anymore. It's a funny word, single. Say it slowly to yourself......... a bit awkward ey? Perhaps it's just me. I don't want to beat around the bush but, I'm kinda loving it. Nonetheless, even with the great relationship I'm having, there's a bittersweet element. He lives over 370 miles away. Ahhh, seeing him once every two to three months isn't cutting it for me. Symptoms include heart-wrenching withdrawls, unbearable lonely days/nights, consistent pillow hugging, and overwhelming eagerness. But of course, we've been working things out. I've learned to stop hiding things from him and try accept what's been going on. I don't want to be a cheeseball or anything but, he's kind of my guiding light. We have vow prayer every night at 12:02. Things are starting to look up and he's one of the biggest reasons why I'm so grateful.

Anyways, I think I'll end this here. It's long enough.

this blog is OVER.

-dom.

My day has been fcking ruined within a 20 minutes phone call.

Lately.

I love what I've got going on. I love the person who I get to share this with. I love it all. I just don't love my insecurities.

1) In the past, I've had three people worth trying for. Problem was, they didn't try hard enough for me. It may sound selfish but, it was one-sided, in my perspective. Each relationship had their own pros and cons with some greater than the others. However, this is different. This guy is too good for me. Too good. It's ridiculous how amazingly dedicated he is. It's at the point where I don't feel deserving. In addition, this is his very first relationship. You'd think that I'd be the one doing a magnificent job. But that's not the case. Sometimes, I don't feel like I deserve anything he does for me because he does so much. 370 miles is no sweat for this guy. I don't want the tables to turn on me. I don't want to make this relationship one-sided. I don't want to make him feel like this relationship is one-sided. I need to start pulling my own weight.

2) I've been really lenient with the guys I've gone out with and the girls they have befriended. That was the problem, I was too lenient. I let them bend the boarders... so much that he went back to his ex-girlfriend because I let him talk to her so much. I rarely had any restrictions. I felt that it was all about TRUST. However, this is the same matter with different situations. I'm not afraid to say it because I'M JEALOUS. This is jealousy at it's finest and I don't know how I'm going to handle it. I've only seen him three times within an almost-10 month period. Two of the three days were right in the beginning of our friendship. The last time I saw him was on April 19th. Besides that, I ache to see him. But there are a certain few whom I am of concern with. I mean, I trust him with my life. He trusts me with his. It's just... I don't know about the others. I don't want to sound like I've got this guy on check all the time because we've agreed that we both won't do that. It's just an insecurity that I have to build a bridge for and get over it.

3) The last thing is... my weight. Okay, it's typical for a girl to say that but, I've got to keep up. He lost almost 75 pounds since we first met. That was 10 months ago. I've kept a constant weight. I've been working out over the last month and a half but, I'm still not up to par. I've changed my eating habits and my tolerance is increasing. I just... don't seem like I'm even losing anything. He makes it seem so easy. He lost most of his weight within three months. How does that even work? What's his secret? This is what he told me, "I just ran 4 miles every chance I got and I biked a lot. I didn't even have to change my diet." WHAT THE FCK IS THAT? I completely change up my whole lifestyle and here am, only lost nine pounds. Ugh, I can't even fathom how that even works. -____-

Yeah, don't read this. I'm merely venting. -___-

this blog is OVER.
-dom.

Back-Tracking Through the Light of Second Semester.

The time is drawing near for the end of my high school career. I want to remember everything that there is to remember because as soon as I grab my diploma, there's no turning back. This fall, hello California State University, Northridge; so long to my bittersweet home of six years, Eagle Rock High School.

With that said, I just wanna highlight a few days that made this semester worth the while. Also, I don't really expect you guys to read this. This is basically for me to read and remember. (:

February 8: The beginning of one of the worst fights I've ever had with my best friend. Who would have thought that right after I bought my webcam, I'd be using it to make my first calls apologizing to five different people.

February 14: I dread apologizing. Valentine's day this year really sucked.

February 15: After an emotionally charged week, I spent the day in the LBC with two of my favorite natives, Nathalie Flores and Kristi Romero. Laid back, spontaneous, and all the more wonderful.

February 16: Photoshoot in Downtown LA. Good vibes, good people, great hangouts. I love the family we've created.

February 26: Played hooky to eat All-You-Can-Eat Korean BBQ and a party platter pizookie with Scotty boy, Justin, J. Licup, Jomart, and Melissa. <3 Gawd, I love them.

February 27: Kylie's first birthday. I hate how they grow up so damn fast. But nonetheless, it's the quality time with my family that I love the most. We get through the tough times, regardless.

March 3: Momma's birthday. My family and I don't always get along, nor do we actually eat at the same table. When times like these comes around, I feel it in my bones that we're tightly knit, even though we want to murder each other sometimes.

March 5: Kadiwa and Binhi sponsored BMP. It's okay if Kathlynn fell asleep, haha. Anyways, Alice in Wonderland 3D was a fast-paced mind blowing experience if you catch my drift. Always a good time with Jennifer Mae, Martin Matreo, and Alexa Ferl. (;

March 6: Pastry Fair with the gay boys and LA Kadiwa. The day I realized how much I suck at Cooking Mama. Vibing jams with John Licup and his guitar was relaxing. Oh and the pastry's were DELISH.

March 7: Had a splendid time at the Marshall Alum Track Meet. I don't know why it was freezing balls that day but when you can see chubby boys and their nipples, it's funny. I love the Fobawakkez.

March 12: USC's High School Journalism Day. Oh, I love Angela, Danny, Amanda, and Marry. I was considering dropping journalism prior to this day. Now, it's still in my passions. Perhaps broadcast journalism? Maybe radio reporting?

March 15: Bad days with my dad never cease to end.

March 20, 21, and 27: Holy Supper. In a nutshell, a cleansing was way overdue. Uplifted.

March 29: Attempting to reignite my workout plan. Biked to Eagle Rock, biked around Eagle Rock, and ran the 3-mile Rose Bowl. Oh and a surprise visit by one of my favorite families. (:

March 30: Mini-golfing, Zen Buffet, and Got Shaved? It's another one of those days where you just can't help but feel content with yourself. Good company, great laughs, a hell of a day.

April 4: I decided to take some initiative and buy my father a great birthday cake and an amazing breakfast from Porto's. He smiled when he saw the potato balls. <3 In addition, this marks the end of a 55 day fight. NO matter what, I love my her.

April 8: Quick lunch with Gerson and Cyrille. Sometimes, they just really get my humor. If I were to ever get stuck in a room with them, we could literally spend hours talking about Mean Girls and some of the most awkward topics. I don't want them to move to Humboldt. Stupid hipsters.

April 13: It's a rare occasion when I get to actually sit down with a cup of coffee and have an amazing conversation with somebody, let alone my Ateh Chris. It's ironic how she lives literally two houses down and I see her at least twice a month. On days when we catch up, it makes it seem like we haven't missed a thing.

April 17: After a successful GEM, Jordan, JR, and I rewarded ourselves by watching Kick Ass. As disturbing and graphic the movie may be, it was still pretty damn AMAZING. Plus, being able to sit with fellow Kadiwas nearby always counts for a great laugh.

Goodness NO.

I've come to the realization that I've become... I daresay.... CLINGY.

Becoming clingy makes me... weird. I long for phone calls. I become eager when I get online. I take a quick glance at my phone at least once every five minutes. yadayada. -___-

Over the last few months or so, I've become very reliant on anything dealing with communication with "someone". He probably already knows its him, haha. Anyway, my phone and my computer are my only mediums of communication between him and I. We've become very accustomed to nightly phone calls, online webcaming, and texting. Since we're so accustomed to our traditions, I've become... dependent. Lemme clarify the term DEPENDENT in my case. DEPENDENT means that I'm so completely used to the fact that we talk EVERYDAY. If we don't text or speak to each other, I feel very inadequate, or for a more fitting term, insufficient. For some reason, I get a bit of motivation when I talk to him. If I don't, I lack energy and become a bit... lazy? I'm not sure if that's the right word in my situation but, I hope you get the picture.

If you didn't understand, let me explain. For example: Friday Night. I had nothing planned for the night and he told me he was off to a house party. I have no complaints when it comes to parties. I love to party but, I get a bit... jealous (shut up) when others go to a party I'm not at. (Yeah, I sound like a selfish bitch, SUE ME.) And that's what happened to me. It was midnight and I stayed home Friday night, watching a throwback Disney Channel movie wearing the orange sweatpants he sent me, wondering what he was doing. I could have cleaned my room, but chose not to. I could have rented better movies, but I didn't. I could have gone to Shannon's place, but I wasn't feelin' it. I could have done homework but, who does homework on Friday nights? Then, he called me. It was EXCITING. I sprang up from bed, eagerly looked at my phone, and answered it as if I wasn't sleepy anymore. He called me during the party but, I insisted he put down the phone and enjoy himself. Although I DID want him to talk to me, I needed to be a bit selfless for once and let him do as he pleases. He agreed, told me that he'll call me later, and went back to the party. Seriously though, I wish he disagreed with me. :P

Nevermind. I do become insufficient. Actually, lazy was the perfect word. There must be something wrong with this scene here.

ALSO, it's not that there's anything wrong with being like this, it's just... I'm still unfamiliar. I haven't been able to fathom the fact that I'm THIS clingy with a guy that lives over 370 miles away from me.

This must be a sign of something good.

-dom.

Upset Stomach?

My stomach is currently undergoing some peculiar feelings and it's odd. The feeling are nice but, eating seems almost impossible. At times, I feel a sudden lightness. Can I get an explanation?

Anyways, my 55 days are over and things are... still in recovery. I'm still coming until terms with everything but, I'm surprisingly okay. I just hope this doesn't stay like this forever because "friends are good".

Oh yeah, there are 10 weeks left of Senior year. WHERE THE HELL DID THE TIME GO?! I was talking to Gerson and Patricia during 2nd today and it hit me. I'm gonna MISS them and everyone else. It's time for me to make the most out of my Senior year. I'm going to college in the fall and this is my last summer before everyone moves away. Reality never seemed so bittersweet.

Sorry for just touching on certain things. I'll make a longer blog soon enough.

-dom.

I apologize for being so MIA with the whole blogging scene. It's about time for me to go on hiatus for a while. I'm not sure how long I'll be absent though. I guess it'll take however long for me to figure out what I'm going to do with myself. Sorry for this post being so random. If this causes any inconvenience, I greatly apologize now.

Until everything is set,
dom.

EIGHTEEN.

My legs fcking hurt. This party is going to kill me. Wish me luck. (:

gooodnight.

18th's Eve.

It's currently 11:10 pm on January 24, 2010. I've chosen to spend these last few moments, before I turn 18, to blog.

I remember this time last year, I wrote a blog in my livejournal. It was about how monumental my 17th birthday was. Though, I am on the brink of taking back that statement. Over the last year, I changed. 18 means LEGAL,well for cigarettes and things of that sort. 18 means college. 18 means I can legally move away from my parents. 18 means a many splendid things.

This is the year. I'm graduating from high school. I'm going to make this summer the BEST EVER. I'm heading to college, where ever that may be. I WILL abound in love. I will cherish what's left of my teenage years. I will remain close with my friends, best or not, that I have.

However, I forgot to mention two things.

1) Family: No matter where life takes me from this point on, I pray they'll be there, supporting me and helping me. My family <3
2) God: I've got an appointment with him tomorrow night at 10:30 pm. He's been there for the last 18 years of my life and I have faith that he'll be there with me to endure the remainder of my life.

I know the cheesy-ness of this but, I'd rather soak in the bask of what I'm thankful for right now before I loose my train of thought. Anyways, I'll blog again tomorrow.

Until then,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.

-dominique.

Twenty Ten, so it begins.

WARNING!!!: This blog will be outrageously long. (:

Family <3>

Lil' Bro

Bestfriend, Angel Love <3

It was themed. Pajama Party New Year!

The typical "MySpace" picture.

We all hate each other, but no matter what
we're family. <3

My bitches. <3

ONE: My FUCKING 18th Birthday Party! (I'm sorry for using the F-word so continuously.) Planning this party isn't easy on my lonesome. My team of dedicated (hopefully) party planners consists of My Uncle Bojo (photographer enthusiast), My Aunt Lyssa (Former Interior Designer and Fashionista), My Aunt Czabel (Big Ball of ENERGY!), and the ever-so-helpful Estrada family. As of yesterday, we completed the first step of my birthday; The themed photoshoot. Since the theme of my party is Black & White, we thought it would only be fitting to match everything from the invites, to the pictures, to the deco, BUT not the food. Sorry my parents are going cheap on this. ahaha. I'll keep you updated.

TWO: I'm turning FUCKING 18! I remember a year ago, I was writing a blog talking about my monumental 17th birthday. It was... LEGEND-wait for it-DARY! I won't go into details. Anyways, I'm turning 18. I'm at the brink of adulthood. I can legally buy cigarettes, porn, and who knows what else in t-minus 18 days! Exciting huh? Okay, not really. I've almost completed all of my COLLEGE applications, I'm almost finished with my last winter break in high school, I'm going to my last physical with my pediatrician before I go to my BIG-GIRL doctor, and I'm almost finished watching all of the episodes of How I Met Your Mother TWICE! I seem pretty accomplished. I won't go on about this now, but be in watch for a blog all about turning 18. COMING SOON!

THREE (LAST ONE, I PROMISE): I have something to look forward to at night. No, NOT that. However, it's something better. There was this boy I told you about. I told you I stopped my boy-related festivities. However, I think I really like him now. It sounds so petty and naive but, I kind of like how things are between me and him . I recently bought a webcam so I can see him AND my bestfriend more often. We made a bet before the year end. I bet that he wouldn't be able to see me in person before the year ended. Who ever won that bet would gain 40 BUCKS. He lost. (; Well, at least I have something to look forward to.

I'm spent. It's almost 2 in the morning.

this blog is OVAH.

fin.

Alma from Rodrigo Blaas on Vimeo.